Did Dangerous Liasons Ruin My Dating Life?
Damn you John Malkovich! Damn you! I don’t know at what age I watched Dangerous Liasons but ever since that movie I have lived as if every man on the planet has some elaborate scheme to dupe me.
My ability to take a compliment is zero. Whenever a man tells me I’m pretty, while I’m smiling and saying thank you in a lilting, high (some people say TOO high) voice, inside I’m thinking “Who put him up this? Why is he lying to me? I cannot believe this is happening AGAIN!”
God forbid a man says he wants to sleep with me. Whether I do or not is irrelevant because while whatever is going on is going on, in my mind I’m thinking “This guy is so mean. Why would he want do this to me?!” This is only because I AM CERTAIN they are only doing it to make fun of me later.
Seriously, ladies, when I think of my wedding, I imagine that I will look the best I have ever looked in my whole life. We will be on a beach, it’s warm with a slight breeze, surrounded by close friends and family. Maybe we even flew everybody in or at least paid for hotel rooms being that is was a destination wedding and all. Walking barefoot down the aisle, I will stare into the eyes of my fiancé, thrilled to finally be able to experience that beautiful moment of forever. When I’m next to him, I will look up and smile. He will simply point his finger in my face and say, “Ha ha. Got you!.” And scurry away.
Is this INSANE OR WHAT? And yet, I’ve thought it, MORE THEN ONCE, I’ve thought it and actually gotten upset about it! I’m not proud of this neurotic fantasy. It just is. And, I am clear that it is a NEUROTIC FANTASY and what I get out of keeping it alive is I get to BE MICHELLE PFIEFER. A beautiful, helpless, sweet victim! If only I had her tiny nose to match!
I don’t think I ever told anyone how affected I was by this movie so there was no opportunity for anyone to say “Don’t take dating and relationship advice from Dangerous Liaisons. That’s a bad idea. In real life, men never do that.” Because the truth is, they don’t! And, if we all remember, it was the fabulous Glenn Close who put dear John up to it in the first place.
Thanks very good \o/
I have read all your posts and cracked up out loud! Girl, write some more, cause I am waiting! I am a FAN!