Array |What Would Men Say?

Intimacy Attack!

2 May 2010

I am taking a SEX and INTIMACY seminar. YEAH, I’m taking THAT class. (I’m about to have a panic attack just thinking about it – scary stuff people!) What we are doing is uncovering all the myths and lies we have about sex and intimacy and getting down to what we can create instead of continuing the patterns that have kept us (read: ME) unsatisfied in this area of life.

One thing that has become blaringly obvious is that I have no idea what intimacy is. Two definitions of intimacy are:

1. Sexual Intercourse
2. A close, familiar and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group

I have always just assumed that doing the first would lead to me the second. It seems, I am again, wrong.

But the thing is, I think I’m doing intimacy. I think I’m being intimate and yet the last man I dated said he only felt that I really let go and was intimate three times. THREE TIMES! Do you know how much sex we had? Well, it was a hell of a lot more than three times!

Someone telling me to be intimate and create intimacy is like someone telling me how to breathe. I’m pretty sure I know how to do it and yet they keep saying “No, inhale and then exhale.” And I’m like “That’s what I’m doing.” And they’re like “No. That’s not it. Inhale and then exhale.” And I’m like “That is what I am doing…now leave me alone!” And then I am left with no intimacy and little lightheaded from all the breathing I was doing.

Is this a scary thought for me to be 34 and completely unaware of what intimacy feels like? Yes! As I continue to take this seminar, I am hoping to get to the bottom of this. Maybe, just maybe, there is more to sex and intimacy then my limited experience would have me believe. So while I might continue to have little panic attacks as the course continues, what I’m really hoping for is an intimacy attack. I’ll let you know when it happens!

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