DON'T TOUCH MY CUPBOARDS!
For me, if you have a boyfriend, you should know whether or not you want to be with this person forever and ever. I never give any time for the “boyfriend” period. It’s almost as if on the first date I’m like “So…are we getting married or what?”
And here’s what screws it up for me even more: While I do want to get married, I am terrified of it and am fairly certain it will be the end of any and all career success I might have. I am afraid I will get too into being a wife and mother and simply forget about everything else I wanted to do in life.
What I am left with is…I don’t know how to have a boyfriend. I don’t know how to not have an answer about the future and I don’t know how to enjoy the present. Not very fun!
BUT here’s the fun news I am not telling you. I’ve reconnected with an old flame (which is why this dilemma is in my head) who in no uncertain terms has expressed his desire to be with me forever and ever. It’s flattering, it’s exciting and it’s totally freaking me out.
I’m not willing to call him my boyfriend because I’m not ready to get married because I’m not ready to give up my dreams. Ridiculous and totally not based in reality? YES! I admit it!
The other day I asked him to bring me to IKEA. While perusing the knobs (I wanted to replace the knobs on my cupboards), I found one I liked but that wasn’t the right size. He said not to worry, that he could drill a larger hole in cupboard.
I almost ripped his face off.
For whatever reason, what I heard was “Don’t worry. I will drill a larger hole in the cupboard, then we’ll get married and you will never do anything in your life ever again.”
I emphatically…rudely…ok I was being a bitch, said “NO! We’re not doing that. We’re not just going to ruin the cupboards like that.”
Needless to say, we didn’t get the knobs and there will be no drilling into any cupboards.
A couple days later, I told him this. And while he thought it was hysterical and said I have one of the wildest imaginations on the planet, it didn’t freak him out at all. He even added that he wants to support my dreams, totally believes in me and that we could get a nanny if we needed one.
So while I figure out if this guy is a keeper (I know, he sounds really good!) or not, I’m going to enjoy having a “boyfriend” and the next time he says he wants to do something to help me out, realize that it is just that. Helping me out and that he is not trying to get me into a white dress as quickly as possible.
I still haven’t found the right knobs FYI.
It’s topics like this one that make me sit and think – makes me think, “did I really think I knew what I was talking about?
Hey, Andrea, an SELP participant with a project as great as this already knows the difference between a passing (or lingering) concept and TH’ TRUTH! So now you can create and examine this great long list of ideas about dating and relationships. Now you can question just as you questioned your reaction to an offer of help with your cupboards. Amazing what’ll show up and free you from the past while you create new futures to live into. You’re doing a great job with the videos and the blog. Attagirl!
You do look pretty in white… just saying.