This is what a 40 year-old man who has been married for years said to me the other day:
“I always tell my wife that when I retire, I’m going to be an inspirational dating coach for women. Help them get to their greatness so they can be more confident in starting and maintaining their relationships. It blows me away how many awesome, beautiful women are struggling with relationships. I think if they knew what was inside a guys head, they could take all their power back.”
Aside from being an adorable, inspiring statement about how wonderful women are, what stuck out to me was the last sentence “I think if they knew what was inside a guys head, they could take all their power back.”
So, my question is, where did our power go?
For me, I don’t need to question whether or not I have power around men. I know I don’t. Well, at least I didn’t use to.
Almost my whole life, I was fairly certain that men had all the power and I had none. If I was going to be in a conversation with a man, it was totally up to him. If I was pretty or not, it was up to a man to decide. If I was worthy of being in a relationship, it was up to a man to deem it so.
So here I had all these men deciding my own value for me. This might have worked out except for the fact that these guys had NO IDEA I had given them this power and they were making horrible, horrible decisions for my life that were not satisfying me. Pretty crappy for them and me!
But here is the thing I am realizing, in a very Wizard of Oz, Dorothy-esque way: that I’ve had power all along and I’ve been PRETENDING that I didn’t. Pretending that I can’t love myself until a man does, pretending I can’t know my own beauty until a man says it first and pretending that I have to be alone until a man declares “OK. I’ll date you.”
It seems to me that both men and women have all the power. That there is no lack of personal power and freedom in the world and that should I ever lose my power and freedom as a woman, all I need to do is ask a man and he can clear up my confusion.
Continue being the powerful, bright bulbs you are!