APPROACH ANXIETY BY LUIS
Ladies, just in case you thought women were the only ones who call each other needing moment to moment advice about the opposite sex , check out what men are like!
By Luis Santiago – www.mixitupla.com
A friend of mine had lunch with some co-workers where one of the servers caught his eye. He couldn’t stay and talk to her because he had a meeting after lunch He called me to ask if it was a good idea to go back after the meeting or to even go back at all.
First thing I told him was, next time, don’t hesitate at the restaurant and just approach whoever he finds interesting. When he told me he’s never done that before, approached a random woman he finds interesting, I said that is EXACTLY what he should say when he does approach her. I don’t recommend telling a girl that you have never approached a random girl, if you have before. That’s lying and insincere and you shouldn’t have to lie to someone just to get their phone number. It was the first time my friend had ever done anything like that, so it was ok for him to tell her. Basically I told him to tell her “this might seem a little crazy, but I was here earlier, saw you, and wanted to introduce myself. I’m…” Now all you do is wait for her reaction. Very simple. No need to over think things.
The reason approaching has become easier for me is because I already know what the result is going to be every single time. And no, I don’t get a number every time. If anyone makes that claim, they are lying.
The result is ALWAYS going to be one of two things:
1. She is not going to be interested at all and maybe tell me she has a boyfriend.
2. If she is single, appreciate that I have the confidence to approach her and give me her number.
Those are the ONLY two things that will happen every time!
If you concentrate of this, it will make “approachment anxiety” go away because you already know the outcome.
The most important aspect to this is that I am perfectly fine with either outcome. The reason I am perfectly fine with is because I get something from the interaction. If she gives me her number, great, I will call her and see what happens. If she doesn’t, I get such a great feeling knowing that I did something most people will not do: approach a total stranger and try to make a connection. This, in itself, is just a big of an accomplishment as getting the phone number.
Ok, back to my friend…he calls me when he goes back to the restaurant and the server he is interested in is sitting with a group of other female servers at a table. Now he really starts to get nervous and thinks about aborting the mission. I tell him he has two options: ballsy and REALLY ballsy.
He can go up to her and ask if he can talk to her a quick sec, and hope she is ok with that, and take her to the side. OR tell her what I told him to say in front of everyone! I recommended option two. He says ok, and hangs up.
He calls a few minutes later and says that he talked to her in front of everyone and that she was really cool and flattered BUT that she had a boyfriend. All the other servers were surprised and intrigued. Even though he didn’t get her number, he felt a sense of pride for doing it, since he had never done anything like that before. I told him it’s like baseball. You aren’t going to hit a home run every time, but the more you approach and feel confident doing it, the more ready you will be able to hit it out of the park. And when you finally meet that girl and make a connection that’s exactly what it will be, a grand slam!
