by Andrea Schell
You have made a woman very happy by asking her out on a date and she has said yes! Great job!
At the restaurant, the two of you are hitting it off. You are loving that she gets your sense of humor. She tells you how great the meal is and your wine selection impresses her. Things are going well and as far as you can tell, she’s having a great time and is happy.
Then the check comes. It gets placed equi-distance on the table from yourself and your date. You are planning on paying but she is telling such an intriguing story about her trip to New Zealand, that you don’t want to break your focus to pay and you don’t want her to think you are not interested in what she has to say. So the check just sits there and you continue to give her your undivided attention. That is really nice of you, except for she is now in a little bit of hell.
She will continue to tell her fascinating story and while she carries on with an enthusiastic smile, she will be having a completely private and insane conversation in her head about that frickin’ check. It goes something like this:
“Hmmm. Is he planning on paying? I should wait to see if he picks it up. Why shouldn’t he pay? He asked me out. But it’s still sitting there. Maybe he isn’t really into me and this is how he is telling me. I thought we were having such a nice time. Maybe not. It’s still sitting there. But maybe I should offer to pay so he doesn’t think I’m a moocher. I’m successful. I have money but it would be nice of him to pay. I like him. I hope he likes me. Maybe I should just pay for the whole thing? Yeah, I’ll just do that. Oh, god, it’s still just sitting there! No it’s fine. Wow, it’s still sitting there. He must really hate me!”
And yes, it can even continue from there.
Because for some women the paying of or not paying of the check is a marker:
He likes me=he pays. He no likes me=he no pays.
SOOOO, she finishes telling you her story and right about the time she is about to ask the least romantic question on the planet (“So….do you want to split this?”), you open the check presenter and casually toss in your credit card.
And she’s thinking ”Why didn’t he just do that sooner?! God! Well, I guess he likes me.”
So here’s my advice to you:
As soon as the check comes and you don’t feel like paying for it right away, which is fine, TAKE THE CHECK and place it on your side of the table so she knows you’ve got it and she doesn’t have to experience this stress. I’m not saying this internal monologue that some women have isn’t completely bonkers but for a lot of single women going on first, second or even third dates, it’s there. Taking the check is romantic and let’s her know you are taking care of her! And that will make her happy!
Trying to make things a little less awkward,